Tumblin'!!

So I made 2 tumblr blogs. Yes, yes. How very hipster of me, right? Well it started out because I needed to get it out into the universe how i've been feeling about C... if you don't know who C is, then click here to read my first "new and different post." there's a few of them now. Anywho, so my blog "a heavy dose of atmosphere" is a compilation of things that tell how i've felt about the one i love, through all stages of that love, though in no particular order.


Likkkee, if i find a picture that tells exactly how i felt about him 4 months ago, i'll post it, and it could be right beside a picture that tells how i feel about him now. Got it?


Here's that link.


My 2nd blog (Kai the Kiwi) is just a compilation of all the things i love! If i find an awesome gif, or a pretty picture, or an interior design picture i really love..it'll go on there. They're a bit random, but lately there's been a lot of Harry Potter posts :P


Here's the link to that one.


Anywho, i do think that you'll enjoy both. Anyone can relate to the first one, and everyone will find something they love in the 2nd one :)


But imma go get my hair chopped off, ttfn! tah tah for now!

new and different: past things i want to say to him but can't

Here's the next edition of the thing's i wanted to say to him but couldn't. if you have no idea what i'm talking about, please refer to my first New and Different post.


So here it goes! this is still very early on in the breakup process. (p.s. i'm not one of those 15 year olds who swear they're going to marry their current boyfriend and are "in love" with them..i'm 20, with plenty of experience in the area of emotions and how to decipher the real ones from the ones i'm feeling because that's how i want to feel.. but anywhen, ramblety..) 

My eyes haven’t stopped burning since I started crying. (thats 7 hours of crying in his arms...pathetic? yes. did i feel pathetic at the time though? Yes. Couldn't help it? heck yes.)

I don’t want to remember us. Because remembering us means we’ll be over. Remembering means I won’t have you in my life. I never want to have to remember us.

One of the worst parts was when I asked What if you like it better without me? And you didn’t answer. 

Down the line is a fucking lie. If you want to be with me eventually, why not now? Why am I not good enough?  You want different experiences? Well I can give them to you! Life isn’t the fucking movies. You can’t just expect to have all these experiences before finding the right person, and then if you don’t have as many as you wanted, drop that relationship, and go back try to have a teenagehood! it doesn't work that way.

What the HELL do you think we were doing that scared you so damn much!? I know marriage scares you, so what!? Its not like we were getting married! If it turned out you actually could’t be with me for a real reason, then that’s fine! (well not Fine fine..but you know what ‘m saying) But as long as that happened in the next TEN YEARS it’d be fine. No divorce necessary. And if it turns out that there were no problems, and you turned out to want to marry me earlier than 30, then you and I both know that you’d be serious about it. And unless you were thinking of popping the question Now and then got cold feet… I don’t see how “marriage is a big deal” can even come into play in your reasoning for this break up.

How can you just be FINE. Am I THAT forgettable? Am I THAT small a piece of your life that you’re just fine if I’m not there? 

If you just don’t want to be with me...fucking say it. None of this “I can see us getting married” nonsense just to make me feel better at the time.

Either say “I can see us getting married” OR “Go see other people.” Not both! 

• If we’re probably getting married, then there’s no point in seeing other people. Yeah it was fun in highschool because you knew that those people were probably not going to be your future spouse. But now, marriage in any relationship is a distinct possibility. And if a relationship is not going to go anywhere, not going to grow or progress.. Then there’s barely a point in calling it a relationship.
• Saying "go see other people" is like saying “I don’t want to be with you SO MUCH that I’d rather see you with this other guy than myself, even if it means forever.”
• Maybe don’t say the 1^st one either. You’ve made some empty promises before. But one like this would worse one possible. That’s why I love and hate your “contract.*” you don’t know how you’ll feel “down the line” just like you said you thought we’d be together for years..look how that turned out.

** He wrote be a contract saying that we Will be together again one day.

i cant Not have you in my life... i Can't look at you without falling for you.... i Can't love you any less... and i dont know where i went wrong. So please tell me…

I know you say that its not me… but this is a Relationship.. There’s 2 people, and if one doesn’t want to be in it anymore.. The other one Has to be at least part of the reason.

Why do you have to be so Goddamn beautiful?

No matter how boring I seem, no matter how big of a rut we get in...please, don’t give up on me,

If I kiss you where it’s sore,

If I kiss you where it’s sore,

Will you feel better, better, better,

Will you feel anything at all?

Just think, tomorrow could be just like that Sunday, if you let it. (that sunday is when he told me he was wrong, that he should never have broken up with me..when he wanted me back.)

Remind me...I’m going to be upbeat when nights like this happen..clearly crying isn't helping. 

How can you be so madly in love with someone for 13 months and then in the course of one more month, not even want to touch them? Please tell me.

How can you have the right to break my heart each time you don’t hold my hand, each time you move to the other side of the bed, each time you make me cry..and yet still make me love you with everything I’ve got?

And that concludes this segment of "new and different." stay tuned for more of the adventures of C and I.

today's new and different.

So C broke up with K about 2 weeks ago. Was i ecstatic? Heck yes! but there was also a part of me who really felt for C because i know how hard breaking up with someone is. Especially when they take it a bazillion times harder than you thought they would. He thought that she wouldn't care much, because apparently she's really not the "show how much you really care with hugs and kisses and holding hands" type. Which i am i suppose... anywho.  


Yes i enjoy that they are no longer together. But the thing is... i think after seeing her cry (she's only cried in front of 2 other people before..she just doesn't show emotion i guess..) he told her it was a break, but with not a huge chance of getting back together... i think thats how it went anyway. And he thinks that she knows they won't get back together. But, i know girls. And i know the effect C has on at least 2 of them. (Me and K) And she's been hanging out with him constantly, and i know that she's holding on, not because they were better as friends, but because at least she gets to feel like she's still wanted. But  C's not picking up on this i think. 


K's fallen asleep at his house like twice a week since the break up... C said they'd play video games and crash. But i can't help but think that he'll fall asleep holding her. Keeping her hopes up, maybe not on purpose, but that's exactly what he did with me too. He made promises that i don't know if he'll be able to keep, no matter how much he meant them at the time. He's the type that Hates hurting anyone at all. So maybe he feels like keeping their hopes up is kinder than hitting them with reality. But who knows...maybe he's been sleeping on the other side of the bed... i doubt it but i'm afraid to ask. 


He's at a friend's cottage with K and a bunch of other friends. And of course they're drinking.. he got smashed 2 nights ago..and i can't help but think he really won't tell me if something happened with him and K again. But again...i'm terrified to ask. because what if he gets mad because its really not my place to be asking? or what if he's offended at the idea of me thinking he'd keep something from me? or a million other reasons come to mind.


But anyways.. I'll be staying at his house for about a week and a half at the end of the month/beginning of august, house sitting. And he'll be there, just him and i, for 3 days.


We'll see what happens. maybe i'll get up the courage to ask him.


I'll keep you posted. 


but i'll get on to the next bit of what i wrote in the saga of C and I..it'll be my next post...its getting really long.

Glymm Box Unboxing!

Glymm is a brand new company, like LuxeBox and Birchbox. But it seems like they focis more of beauty than skincare like some other boxes do, which i love!


Here's my unboxing video!





You need an invitation to sign up for it, so i'm inviting you! 


Use my invite link!


Here's the link to their site!


What's your favourite sample box company!?

New youtube video!

Here's a small update talking about Brooke's charity giveaway, and a rainbow makeup look i did for fun!

Great Cause and Giant Makeup Giveaway!

Hey there makeup junkies! So who wants to win 600$ worth of awesome/hard to find/LE makeup froducts? No? ...not you?.. oh okay.. i'll just go share this link with someone who's interested then..

LOL J/K! 

This is sayanythingbrooke the makeup guru on youtube. She’s doing a giveaway as incentive to have us donate to one of her local animal shelters. There’s 3 prize packages, (1st, 2nd and 3rd place.) and all together, they’re worth close to 1000$!!!! donating isnt necessary to enter, but Please Please Please do..if you’re winning a prize worth 600$..you should really just donate whatever you can. Give up your morning coffee and make it at home for a couple weeks, or don't go buy that eyeshadow that you want but already have something similar. Or have a girls night in instead of a girls night out. Seriously, even if you can only afford to donate 5$... that'd be amazing! But give what you can! If you really could afford to give 50$..then do that if you want!

This is a great opportinuty to help some animals that need it, as well as a chance to win Uh-Maze-Ing Prizes!

Go here to donate: http://sayanythingbr00ke.chipin.com/animal-shelter-inc-sterling-ma

Candles by Victoria Company Review!

So I've been LOVING Candles by Victoria for the past.. oh i dunno.. 4 months??


First thing's first, terms you may need to know before reading this:
- Scent Throw: How strong the candle is..aka, how far away from the candle can you smell this scent? aka how big a space will this candle fill?
- Cold throw: What the candle/tart smells like cold. before you melt/burn it.
- Hot throw: What the candle/tart smells like while you're melting/burning it.
- Scent Shot: A wax tart. put this in a tart melter to melt and diffuse the scent!
- AWESOMEAMAZINGSAUCE: a word that could be used interchangeably with Victoria, CBV, Her candles, her scents..or anything to do with her company.


Anywho, i heard about them through Leesha a.k.a. xsparkage on youtube. She does reviews on her discodollies channel and i've been a subscriber for years. So anywho, one lazy afternoon when she posted a review, I got curious as to who else reviews these things? so i searched her on youtube and Oh Mah Goodness! there were so many! rave reviews! and not a singe..not any itty bitty, absolutely NO bad reviews! And that is Helllaaa rare. There's always some crazy haters on youtube. But nope! not for Victoria! There weren't even any even slightly undesirable things mentioned about the company at all!


So i decided that any company receiving that much love is definitely worth checking out! So i did..and made an order the same day! I ordered scent shots (tarts) because they're only 2$ and that way i could try a bunch of different scents before committing to a candle that would have hours of burn time. So anywho, i made that order..and a week later (before i received my first one, might i add) i made another order!


And in During her May "happy 12th anniversary of CBV" sale, i made another order. So, i've made 3 orders from her already, and i'm certain there will be a ton more to come!


This blog is going to be a company review. so it'll talk about things like customer service, shipping, etc. And i'll talk about individual scents in my next review!


There's nothing not to love about this company. They have over 650 (here's the scent descriptions page) scents to choose from! And the scents and wax are of Such high quality that the scent throw hugely out performs the larger candle companies. And they Hand Pour each candle to order! That means, your candle was poured just for you! And it hasn't been sitting on a shelf in a warehouse forever. They're Fresh! and you can tell! 


Seriously..There's a scent for absolutely anyone. even people who claim to "not like scented candles." So that automatically makes CBV trump any other big candle company like Yankee or whatever. lol But like i said, the quality makes it even better! She uses a very soft wax that almost has the consistency of shortening. This allows the most scent possible to get into the wax! And oh yeah, did i mention she Triple! scents her wax? this means the wax hold the maximum capacity of scent possible! (Hence the strong scent throws!)


The customer service is also fan-flipping-tastic! you can email her anytime with ay questions you might have, and she usually gets back to you within a day! But you might want to try the messageboards first because the people on there are super fantastic and already have a ton of questions answered and if you do have any others, you'll get a bunch of different opinions, which is nice for scent choosing! Victoria is also very understanding and accommodating if there's ever a problem with the product. I personally have never had a problem, but one person i heard had a bowl candle that broke during shipment, and Victoria replaced it, which is lovely of her! Victoria also puts a free scent shot in every order! which is a great way to get a chance to smell a scent that maybe you wouldn't normally pick out! 


Yes her customer service and candles are to die for. But she is based out of Van, Texas, and for most people, that's not within driving distance to go shopping! so shipping is really important! Within the U.S. (not sure if its just continental, or if it includes all of the states,) it is $8.50 Flat Rate! which means no matter how much or how heavy your order is, it'll still only be $8.50! I mean, if you're ordering $250 worth of candles and it weighs a gazillion Lb's they might change more for shipping.. but for most $100 and under orders, that's totally not going to be a problem.


But wait! you're thinking..."hey Kai? aren't you from Canada?" Yes, yes i am. But i use Kinek to ship my U.S. items to since i'm so close to the border. But! for those of you not so close, not to worry! shipping isnt Too outragous. My first 2 ordres i got shipped into Canada, and it cost around 22-25$. but considering that was on about a 12Lb package valued at 70-80$..that's about average for shipping to canada. The thing that got me though was the duty/brokerage/customs charges that silly UPS has to put on it. Ups is the only company i've had charge me for customs. It was around 25$! But that's not Victoria's fault at all! I'd say its totally worth taking a trip to the U.S. border and picking up the package at a Kinek point, or other company of the sort. It's only 5$ to pick up your package there!


So Anywho! On to candle pricing! Her most popular candles are the sampler packs. You get 6 candles for one price. 8 oz sampler is 42.00$, 9oz sampler is 47$, and the 16oz sampler is 70$ So her candles are definitely less expensive for what you get than Yankee or other large companies! She also has these delicious looking dessert inspired candles! They look legit like something you'd eat! And even these are a pretty great price for the amount of wax you get! She has 18 pages of candles to choose from. And thats not even getting into reed diffusers, or tarts!


They have a sale almost every month at the beginning of the month, and lots of contests and fun on the messageboards! There's actually way more ways to win candles or gift codes than i thought a company would ever have! Like Candle bingo, member of the month, or you can earn credits/candles by hosting a Candle Party! So its definitely worth looking at!


Please Please Please go check her out if you like an amazing smelling home, aromatherapy, or candles in general!


Here's the website.
The Tumblr
The youtube
and the messgeboard

What to do next?

Bonjourno Everyone! 


Today is the 2nd of July, yesterday was Canada Dayyy! Wut Wut!? And Monday, (the 4th) is Well, its the 4th of July!! :D and since i'm both Canadian and American, i get 2 times the fireworks! :D


But i digress. I really was just bored and was wondering what you guys want to see? More makeup looks? More product reviews? Candles by Victoria review? (i think that's up next!) More stories about C and K and i?


Or! something completely different all together! :D


Also, i just started a Tumblr, so you can go check that out!
And i have a Flickr, which acts as my online portfolio!


So i need to hear from you guys! 


Leave me a comment! Thanks :)